Thursday, March 31, 2011

My American Wedding

            You know it’s sort of funny how this post got here today. I was actually working on another post, which is forthcoming, and I told Nicole the title. She inferred some of the subject matter and had this to say:  “you know something, Dear. I think after this blog entry [referring to the other one in the works], you should write about something happy.” She tells me most of my blogs tend to be serious-minded and on the sad side. Awwww! Well my last blog entry, the one about Spock, was happy, so I contested. She countered by telling me the Spock piece was too reflective and weighty to be entirely happy. I disagree. It was quite celebratory! But oh well. So I am acceding to her request and doing more than she requested. I am postponing the posting of that other blog entry, which is a very serious matter, possibly one of the most serious issues facing us today, to some other day in the future and will post this one instead today. If you read the title, you have some idea where I’m going with this one, tongue in cheek and all.
            First, I said ‘my’ in referring to the wedding, because in so far as it takes two to have a wedding, each still starts out with their own vision of what a wedding ought to look like. The result, I suppose, is a combination of the two visions, with perhaps some bias to her side, since it’s supposedly the bride’s day. Still, calling it the bride’s day takes the groom’s celebrations out of it. Isn’t it the groom’s day too? And if it’s not, when is the groom’s day? Just asking. I’d prefer to think of it as the couple’s day. Though, that may be only me picking a nit. You married folks can better tell me, I’m sure.
            Now the first thing I want to say about weddings as I’ve observed them is that I’m not speaking from experience. I’ve never been married, obviously, and my parents’ wedding was, much like the rise and fall of Nazi Germany, brief, to the point, and abruptly over. So I don’t have a wealth of personal experiences to draw on, but let’s move on. Firstly, they’re expensive, American weddings are. Most cost in the upper 4 figures and many, many more cost in excess of fifteen to twenty thousand bucks. Why? So much money to say, “I do?” So my first point is this, I don’t want to spend, nor do I want anyone else to spend, so much money on the preparations for my nuptials. Not because I’m wholly altruistic and want people to save their money, but hey, the less someone spends on the structure of the wedding itself, the more they can set aside for wedding presents. I’m a capitalist, what can I say? Blenders and beds and arm chairs and living room rugs, we’ll need them. So no need to rent Washington Cathedral and to pay Rick Warren to officiate. Not that Nicole and I would want either Washington Cathedral or Rick Warren, I’m just saying. Also, what’s up with renting an assembly hall or a hotel ballroom, another massive expenditure, to host the reception? Her parents house is big enough for the number of guests we’ll have. I’ve seen it, trust me. And that brings me to guests.
            One of the reasons, my godmother pointed out to me, that weddings are so expensive in our country is the number of guests who get invited. Guest invites and expectations are a curious thing. It seems to be the American way that you invite simply everybody you’ve ever met or can claim the slightest blood relation to the wedding. Hundreds and hundreds of people, or at least several dozen. Again I ask, why? My philosophy on weddings is simple. If I haven’t heard from you in ten or fifteen years, why, exactly why, would I invite you to watch me get married? Moreover, why should you care about coming? Send a card, or save the stamp if you don’t want to. In short, the only people I intend to invite are the people who have maintained meaningful connections with me throughout my adult life. So I’m not going to look up the kid I knew down the street when I was 10 and ask him to tag along. To my humble way of thinking, this will drastically slash the number of guests. Nor am I going to invite every cousin or uncle or fourth cousin twice removed either. I’m not naming names here, and don’t bombard me with comments to my blog to the effect of, “you’re gonna invite me though, right?” That’s a quick way to get a “no,” just saying. But if Nicole and I both put this philosophy into strictest effect, the guest list will definitely be under a hundred and might, might, top out at fifty. What do you think, Dear?
            Now let’s get to the food. I’ve been to some weddings that had great food and to some where I had to go to McDonalds afterwards. Nick and Ashley and I have discussed this at length. If you’re going to have food at a wedding, it ought to be good, filling, delicious-tasting food. After all, you want to remember it as a great detail. Now Nicole and I haven’t decided what sort of food it ought to be, whether barbecue or steaks and burgers or pasta or a combo of the three, and that’s fine. But whatever it turns out to be, we’ll be able to actually feed people. So, out, I say, with little dainty finger sandwiches and olives on toothpicks and all the other sort of yuppie food (see my blog entry on that subject) that I’ve had the misfortune to consume at other people’s nuptials. In, I say, with the good stuff, stuff that Dee can cook or that Nana can cook. And remember, the fewer people you have coming, the less food you have to prepare and the lower your costs are. That brings me to catering. To me, catering, as in hiring out your catering, is very impersonal. Now I know that not everybody has the time or the skills or the resources to cook for several dozen people. I respect that, but if professional caterers can be avoided, so much the better. Now I’m not above paying some close friend or family member to do the cooking. I’d happily give Dee and/or Nana or even my own mother (who is an excellent cook when she chooses), two or three hundred bucks to cover supplies and to express my gratitude for the service, and I’d rest assured in the knowledge that the finished products would be excellent. Yes, the figure of 300 bucks is one I’ve pulled out of the air and is subject to revision, I know. But it beats the grand I’ve seen some folks pay caterers.
            So then, you might fairly ask, what sort of wedding, aside from one with a small guest list and modest costs, do I want? When I was younger, and more apt to let my perverse side have full reign, I’d have said that it should be outdoors, on a mountain top at midnight. The mountain top, because only the people who truly wanted to be there would climb up it, and at midnight, because if a marriage symbolizes a beginning, so too does midnight symbolize a temporal beginning. I suspect that if I actually did that, the wedding wouldn’t happen at all. No one would attend, not even the bride. And as we all know, if the bride’s absent from the proceedings, you may as well give it up. Though as a side note, as much of a night owl as Nicole is, she might be amenable to a midnight service. Here again, almost nobody else would be, Nana and my godmother included. I suppose daylight is required. How about a dawn wedding, just as the sun rises in the east? Well, again, my guest attendance would be even smaller than I’m  currently envisioning it. Details details. Well, what time of year? Not summer! Everybody, everybody, everybody gets married between June and August. June, statistically, is the most popular month for it. How about mid January! That’s not likely to happen, though we do like October. It’s not so populous with weddings, good old October. We could just get married Christmas day though. I’d be assured of never forgetting an anniversary, which is a mistake my father made once or twice. Still, I expect that to be soundly rejected as an idea. Oh well. Side note:  for those of you a bit slow on the uptake, no, I’m not referring to this year either.
            Indoors or Outdoors? I like the idea of an outdoor wedding. How many of them have you ever attended? Not many. And an outdoor reception, maybe in a city park, weather permitting. I like this idea. Wonder how it’ll go over with everyone else though. And don’t tell me it’s going to be cold. October in the south is still hot as hell and we all know it. As for rain on my wedding day, I’ve never been superstitious. And, since I can’t have my midnight service, how about evening. Around 6:00 or 7:00. Everyone gets married in the afternoon, it seems. Besides, if I’m going to be wearing something resembling a suit coat, there ought to be a practical reason, so let it be a tad chilly if it wants. We’ll have a reception party till around midnight or 1:00 and then we’ll disappear to spend our wedding night … who can say where. How about it? I’m imagining Nicole’s face as she reads this.
            There’s not a lot I can tell you about my own wedding preferences, except to say that it’ll be interesting to watch some of the more conservative elements of the families mingling with the, shall we say, more colorful elements? I intend to watch with interest. Yes, I know, I’m perverse. Lastly, Nick will be there. That’s a statement of fact and a threat. If he bails on me, has a music gig, lands in the hospital with heart flutters, or is in jail that day, I’ll murder him. So, no heart problems, music gigs, or jail cells that day. Not that he would; I just have to put it out there. He has to be there for two reasons. First, he’s the best man. I have to have one. Second, he has to give the unedited, uncensored toast. He feels passionately about censorship, and so he won’t be censored. He can say what he wants, provided it’s true, and in whatever manner he chooses. The results should be … fascinating. Ashley has to be there in case anything traumatic happens that requires her personal professional intervention. Same for Amy, though since Amy’s a clinical psychologist with a specialty in neuropsych and not a social worker, her assessments will be more clinical and more costly. So don’t get into trouble. Lastly, Chris Hailey will need to be there to uh, evaluate the wine. Why not. Actually, the less of it he has, the better. I wouldn’t be opposed to an alcohol free reception, actually. Not on moral grounds, but just because. Who needs it. My relatives drinking? That, you don’t want to see. You really, really don’t.
            Now that brings us to location. Not indoors versus outdoors, but actual, geographical location. My understanding is that the bride’s hometown is the traditional location. That means Greensboro North Carolina, some 12 hours east of Nashville for those who lack an atlas. I have no problem with this. Though if another location would be more suitable, I don’t have a problem with that either. But Greensboro looks likely. There are certain people Nicole wants there, and if we hold it far away such as in Tennessee or Chicago, that won’t happen. So Greensboro it will likely be. Good grief, I’ll have to book a plane ticket to my own wedding. I’ll hopefully be installed in my first teaching position, wherever that is, and will travel from there to North Carolina for the ceremonies, and then we’ll have to get her moved to Iowa, or Ohio, or New Mexico, or New Zealand or wherever I’m teaching. That’ll be fun. We’ll manage though. We always do.
            So that’s it. The Brad Blair take on his own wedding. Now I told Nicole that she’s obligated to write up a similar blog post on the same topic, and when you take the blogs together and synthesize them, you’ll have our wedding plans. So there you have it, Dear. Have fun writing. As for the rest of you, have a good one.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

A Tribute to Spock: Reflections on Leonard Nimoy's Eightieth Birthday

Preamble

Today, I am twenty-eight years old. Were I to travel backwards in time and tell myself that Spock would continue to be as influential a role model in the future as he was at age 12, my younger self would, rather than being surprised, have found such a statement … eminently logical. There are probably a lot of blogs, tweets and facebook posts commemorating Leonard Nimoy's eightieth birthday today, and in so far as this one also serves that purpose, I'm glad to join in. And yes, this too will include a brief story of my own meeting with Nimoy. So then, you might ask, how is what I'm doing any different. Well for once, I'm not worried about uniqueness. I will say this though; Spock has affected my own makeup, and in so far as this is a tribute to Nimoy, it's also a tribute to Spock. Spock's speech patterns and patterns of thought imprinted themselves on me as a young child, a fact which is humorous and, some might say, pathetic. I don't hold to the latter opinion. I freely admit that Spock was something of a role model, and in this day and age when M&M, Fitty-Cent, Usher and Kesha influence our youth, Spock is a better candidate for a preteen's role model than many other possibilities. So, part one of this details, with examples, the silly and profound ways that Spock has been imprinted on my psyche and modes of self-expression. I deal with the Vulcan salute, influences on my vocabulary choices and also influences on my pattern of thought. I'll close with a list of my favorite Spock quotes (note that I refuse to employ the adjective ‘Spockian’), some funny, some profound, some famous and well-known, some obscure, some included for reasons you may understand, some, simply because I wanted them there. But that's for a bit later. Finally, this is not a Nimoy biography, as worthy a cause as that is. This is about Spock, Nimoy's most well-known and probably best beloved character, and my relationship to Spock, for whatever that may be worth to you, the reader. Enjoy. Or rather, derive what can logically be derived from my statement, as Spock would have it.

"Live Long and Prosper," Me, and The Vulcan Salute

I remember learning this hand gesture. I'd always wanted to know how it was done, but, being blind, I’d never seen it done on screen and no one could quite show me the proper finger positioning. Finally, a teacher of mine in the fall semester of my sixth grade year told me she knew how the gesture was made and positioned my hand properly, checking to make sure I was holding my arm and hand precisely. I was, of course, thrilled to discover that the gesture came naturally to me on either hand, and that most people simply couldn't hack it. Now in case you were going to ask, no, I can't raise one eyebrow as Spock does, because the ability to raise eyebrows independently is genetically linked, and both of mine elevate every time!
Nimoy himself developed the Vulcan salute  to support his assertion that the "live long and prosper" line should be accompanied with something ritualistic-looking. He was inspired by a childhood memory of peaking during an orthodox Jewish ceremonial prayer at his grandfather’s synagogue, where he actually opened his eyes during prayer and watched  the kohan (plural kohanim) blessing the congregation. In Jewish custom, both of the Kohan's hands are held out horizontally over the congregants, and the fingers are splayed out to resemble the Hebrew letter 'Shin,' (short for Shaddai, which means Almighty God)as the blessing is recited. Nimoy's innovation was to make it a one-handed gesture using the right hand, and too, to make the gesture vertical rather than what it is in the ceremonies. The words, "live long and prosper," as well as the traditional reply, "peace and long life," are each meant to be spoken while making the gesture. As an added bonus, and to show you that my trek fandom and Vulcanaphilia run deep, I add two additional things. The words, "live long and prosper," and its response were penned by the script writer Theodor Sturgeon and the phrases appear for the first time in the first episode of the Original Series' second season, "Amuck Time." I, being a linguist, wondered what the words would have been in Vulcan, and I was minded to reexamine the first Star Trek Motion Picture, and we find, "Tich tor ang tesmur," which is, "live long and prosper." Unfortunately, Vulcan never had a Mark Okrand to create it and drive it. For those who don't know, Mark Okrand is the linguist who developed Klingon, and Klingon, as we all know thanks to the Klingon Language Institute (www.kli.org), is fully alive and is the subject of serious scholarly study. Alas, not so for Vulcan.
Now those of you who know me well will certainly have seen me offer the Vulcan salute on countless occasions. In fact, I can do it using both hands, which is rare as I understand. When I was a preteen it was a bit of a showoff sort of thing. Nowadays, while I'm not exactly unconscious of doing it, it's not meant to be pretentious. Most people who have known me for a long time simply smile and return the gesture, my stand-in for a farewell wave in most cases. How many times have you been pulling out of the driveway and seen me raise my right hand towards you, fingers splayed? The answer? More than once! I will likely never stop doing it, and I do not doubt that my children will pick up the gesture, so much a trademark has it become of mine.

My Words

Ask my godmother what my most frequently used word was in the eighth grade when we met as teacher and student. I’m not sure she’ll remember. That’s ok, I do. ‘Indeed,’ I do. ‘Indeed,’ and ‘fascinating’ are Spock’s signature words. Note:  ‘intriguing,’ contrary to some things I’ve heard bandied about, is not one of Spock’s more frequently used words. To set the record straight, ‘intriguing’ is Data’s word.
The word ‘indeed’ seems to have its own flavor. It’s not a word that’s terribly common in vernacular English, and in more formal discourse its use is rather restricted. All that to say, when someone says ‘indeed,’ it’s use is marked, or put another way, you’ll notice someone using it. “Are you going to the store?” “Yeah. Need anything?” Now let’s reimagine that dialogue. “Are you going to the store?” “Indeed. need anything?” Or you might answer, “indeed not.” My use of indeed was over the top, and I’d like to think I use the word less frequently today. Still, the word flavors my speech and my writing. All because of Spock you ask? … Indeed.
No word, none, however, was as overused by me or brings Spock so forcibly to my mind as, you guessed it, ‘fascinating.’ I still use it, though again without overusing it. My godmother wished heartily that I hadn’t begun using it either, because in fairly short order many in our class were answering questions with ‘indeed’ and offering the observation, ‘fascinating,’ for just about everything. But I still do use it, and in any language I pick up, whether German, Russian, Spanish, or anything else, I make quite sure to know those two terms in that language. Why? Just in case.
Finally, we come to logic. By ‘logic,’ I only mean the word ‘logic’ and its various inflected forms ‘logical,’ ‘logically,’ etc. ‘Logic’ is another word that doesn’t get used terribly often outside specialized speaking or writing. If we’re talking about rhetoric, or discussing some philosophical issue or picking apart my dissertation’s study design and protocols, the word ‘logic’ may occur alarmingly often. In everyday chitchat, however, it’s not used as much. Yet, I use it. I refer to things as being logical or being illogical’ or ‘not logical.’ I occasionally begin a thoughtful statement with phrases such as:  “logic suggests,” “logic dictates,” “it would be logical to assume that,” etc. I freely admit that in the beginning, i.e. when I was a preteen, my use of these phrases was conscious and for effect. That is to say I used them because they sounded impressive and intelligent. And they were intelligent. But would I have done so without encountering Spock? Indeed not. Nowadays the word is such an ingrained part of my personal lexicon that my use of it is generally unconscious and usually without any conscious reference to Spock. In one telling argument I had about a year ago, I can tell you that I, fighting back deep disappointment and anger, said in what I am told was a calm and controlled tone with no hint of strong emotion to it, “your logic, is flawed.” I don’t remember whether I did say it, but the person in question has never forgotten it, and she reminded me of it some months later when we, fully passed our disagreement, were discussing Spock as a character. It was her observation that Spock had worked his way into my core, and this was an example she chose to bring up. I found her supposition most … well … logical, and as such, it leads me into my next segment.

“My thoughts, to your thoughts,” my thinking and Spock

Ask any reputable psychologist and they’ll tell you that your core personality traits and modes of self-expression are fairly well set by the time you’re five years old or thereabouts. Everything after that is, I would surmise, icing on the cake or conscious control of your modes of self-expression. So no, no psychologist would accept at face value the claim that Spock had a fundamental impact on my personality makeup. I won’t split that hair with you, because I’m not a psychologist, though I flatter myself in thinking I know myself and my own mind quite well. So, I would say that Spock became embedded in my patterns of thought and gave voice to my more analytical tendencies. There’s my nod to psychology, now for what really happened.
I was attracted to the Vulcan way of thought as a child. Note:  I’m very, very comfortable with emotions; just ask my fiance. Nevertheless, to think logically all the time was, to a twelve-year-old, quite novel and quite attractive. How nice it would be to respond to middle school bullies with an icy stare and a raised eyebrow. On my good days, that is, days when I did not retaliate against schoolyard bullies who were picking on me (the blind kid) with violence of my own, I would often take pleasure in perplexing my tormentors with such rejoinders as, “I fail to comprehend the logic of your actions,” or, “where is the logic in this,” or, “I find your chosen behavior most curious.” This usually stopped the ragging, not because of my brilliance, but because what I said was a bit difficult for my peers to process. I often slipped away while they traded puzzled stares.
It also helped my fascination with Spock that I, thanks to a voracious appetite for books, had acquired and been using a very broad and deep vocabulary. My peers began yelling at me around age 11 because no one understood what I was saying. As a linguist, I can say now that my problem was simply that I had no concept of appropriate register. Fascinating. In any case, Spock talked the way I did, or the way people told the young Brad that he talked. So imitating his speech patterns was exceptionally easy and became unconscious in fairly short order. I’m told, even today, that when I am in the depths of scholarly analysis or logical inference, my speech takes on the rhythms and stress patterns of Spock, or more likely, of typical Vulcan stress and intonation. Though having said that, I would hope my speech more closely resembles the meticulous and considered tones of Spock, and not the clipped bruskness of Tuvok’s speech. Only my friends could tell me that. But on with the anecdotes.
I was attracted to Spock’s way of logical behavior, because logic gave him a way to control his emotions. Not to say that Vulcans don’t have them or even that they claim not to have emotions. Neither is true. But the Vulcan ethic of controlled emotion, of emotion that did not pick you up and carry you away in its thrall was wildly appealing on bad days. How nice it would be, for example, not to cry or shout or to feel hurt or disappointment. Not, as I knew, that Vulcans would not have felt the disappointment, but you’d never have known that they did. Not unless you were looking, because Vulcans, i.e. Spock, held his emotions in subjection to his intellect and chose, through discipline of will, not to be dominated by them. This is, for the average human teen, in a word, impossible.
Take my first teenage breakup. I was fourteen, and I was devastated. Weren’t we all? I remember it clearly. I remember collapsing outside the high school gym in tears, cursing myself bitterly. Why cursing myself? Because I was crying and that was a sign of weakness in a boy? No. I was cursing myself because I had, having had some foreknowledge of the breakup, resolved not to allow tears. I would, I told myself most sternly even as I lost it, handle the situation logically. I would accept that what had happened was done and that, logically, I must continue from that point onwards. Very true. Very logical advice, and impossible to follow it. I remember thinking to myself, “see there, you are no Vulcan.”
Or another example. My parents’ divorce was hard. Show me one that isn’t? I attempted to understand the reasons logically. Cause and effect. If they were divorcing, then logically, there was a first cause of the divorce, so my fifteen-year-old brain reasoned. If I could find the divorce’s primary cause, I could untangle the train of events that lead to it and thereby understand, that is, place into a logical framework of cause and consequence, all the events that befell my family between 1997 and 1999. Well as you can guess, I’m not about to explain my parents’ divorce. Let me say that in this effort I eventually succeeded. It took many years. I suffered from what Spock would call “insufficient data,” but I can now, with reason that is sound, give a logical account of my parents’ marriage and its ending. Not that all marriages have logical endings, but when all data are present, the logic of the situation becomes clear at once. That is not to say that it is a comfort. Logic, in this case, merely provided answers.
Two more telling items. As my fiancĂ© will attest, Spock affects my ways of arguing. Spock, and my parents. Put it this way. My parents screamed and shouted. I do not. I find shouting and insults counterproductive, and to use them is to work at cross-purposes at resolving the conflict. Sounds like something Spock would say about human arguments, doesn’t it? And it’s true. When I’m angry, I speak softly, even coldly, explaining the offense that was given and seeking solutions. This works best with disagreements, where the two parties can discuss the offense, real or perceived, and arrive at an understanding and a resolution. So, as many will tell you, I argue calmly and logically. The phrase, “your logic, is flawed,” quoted above, was something I said not to impress my opponent or to crush her arguments, but because her angry arguments were, without going into detail, based on flawed premises and insufficient data. That’s not to say that I wasn’t emotionally involved in the argument. Indeed, quite the contrary. But in the midst of that painful disagreement, I felt it my duty to reach her not through emotional appeals for sympathy or by shouting at her, but by telling her quite calmly that she was mistaken and that, well, her logic was in error. And so it was. If only all human conflicts could be settled by recourse to reason. Thankfully, that one was.
Now we come to faith. Faith is an interesting topic on a whole variety of levels, and here Spock’s influence was less direct. I struggled, however, to reconcile the desire to reason with the need for faith and belief. This paragraph deserves its own book, but that is not my purpose. Suffice it to say that I was uncertain where or whether reason and faith co-existed intellectually. And then I was reminded of Spock’s comments about faith in Star Trek VI. These comments are the only occasion I can think of when a Vulcan refers to a need for faith. See the quotations section below. Long, long, story short, I came to understand that logic is only a portion of wisdom, and that faith is necessary for a balanced perspective. What is more, Spock said so himself. Again, see below.

Meeting the Man

I will never forget late July of 2004. It was my only star trek convention, and I was going to make it count. Leonard wasn’t the first star trek actor I met and shook hands with. That was George Takay, who I greeted in Japanese. But I will not forget meeting Leonard just the same. Standing in the long line, feeling the same nervous anticipation as all the rest of the fans. The difference was this. I wasn’t straining to see his face or catch a glimpse of him. I have no vision, so to expect me to have done so would not be logical. But rather I was straining my hearing, awaiting his voice, a voice I knew well. I know it as well as I know those of my closest friends, and were the man to greet me on the street, I would recognize him instantly, so familiar are his speech patterns and inflections. You see, aside from his acting, Leonard has voiced a number of books and TV shows, and his intonations and verbal inflections are, to my trained ear, most distinctive and unforgettable. And finally the moment arrived.
I had, for all my preparation and anticipation, not managed to come up with anything inspired or anything that he would remember. But shaking his hand is a moment I will not forget. It was a steady hand, not palsied with age and not trembling in the slightest, though it was unquestionably the hand of an older man. Obviously, since he was 73 when we met. I sat down for the photo for which I’d paid, and it was duly taken. I should also mention that Leonard enjoyed my service dog at the time, a black lab named Rudy and the only dog at the con so far as I know. He’s retired now, Rudy, not Leonard. But when Leonard Nimoy asks for permission to pet your on-duty service animal, you say yes unhesitatingly, in case anyone wanted to know the proper response to that request under those conditions. Later that day, I also paid a bit extra to be able to stay behind during the autograph session, ostensibly to get something autographed after his talk. I had nothing to autograph. I did, however, have just a moment to say something to him. That is, I had a bit more time. I chose with my thirty seconds, to thank him for something that he probably doesn’t get thanked for very often, his book narration. Narration, especially of a dramatized book like your average star trek novel, is a time consuming and generally unsung task. Unsung, because most fans will pick up the unabridged version in paperback and read it without giving it a thought. I had the novel Vulcan’s Forge in mind, which focuses on Spock as the primary protagonist. Nimoy narrated it and he did so very well. It’s probably among the least known of his narrative tasks. The Alien Voices project and Spock Versus Q are better known, because they were always meant to be something done as an audio recording. This novel appeared in print first, and only because he chose to narrate it did it ever appear in a form I could appreciate. It’s not my favorite star trek novel, nor does it stand out among the best of the best, but narration is a task that more people should be thanked for, and that was one of my opportunities to do so. Incidentally, Leonard also narrates abridged versions of I am Spock, his second autobiography, Star Trek IV:  The Voyage Home, Star Trek V:  The Final Frontier, Star Trek VI:  The Undiscovered Country, and he has supporting narrative roles in Star Trek:  The Entropy Effect as well as in the abridged and dramatized versions of Enterprise, The first Adventure. Again, the man’s good. I hope that one day, when graduate school is over as it soon will be, I may return to a star trek convention and meet him one more time. I will never have the opportunity to sit down and have an actual conversation with him, much to my regret. And whereas many people fantasize about this or that or meeting so and so under thus and such conditions, I wish merely to have a conversation. And it shall likely never come to pass. That is, there is no logical reason to suppose that it should do so. Indeed.

Quotations

Below I have listed some of my favorite quotes. In many cases, I’ve provided some of the immediately surrounding dialogue as context, and in every case I’ve cited the episode or movie from which the lines were taken. Such is, sadly, my training as a scholar, to cite. I haven’t made any great effort to put them in chronological order, but the episodes are listed before the movies, and the movies appear in order. That’s orderly enough. Enjoy the quotes. I always have.

The Original Episodes, 20 quotes

Lt. Bailey:  “It’s blocking the way!”
Spock:  “Quite unnecessary to raise your voice, Mr. Bailey.”
Lt. Bailey:  “Raising my voice back there doesn’t mean I was scared or couldn’t do my job. It means I happen to have a human thing called an adrenalin gland.”
Spock:  “That sounds most inconvenient, however. Have you considered having it removed?”
TOS:  The Corbomite Maneuver.

Spock:  “Save her, do as your heart tells you to do, and millions will die who did not die before.”
TOS:  The City on the Edge of Forever.

Spock:  “Captain, must we?”
Kirk:  “It’s faster than walking.”
Spock:  “Yes, but not as safe.”
Kirk:  “Are you afraid of cars, Mr. Spock?”
Spock:  “Not at all, Captain. It’s your driving that alarms me.”
TOS:  A Piece of the Action.

Spock:  “Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here.”
McCoy:  “You admit that?”
Spock:  “To deny the facts would be illogical, Doctor.”
TOS:  A Piece of the Action.

Spock: [using a Chicago gangster accent]  “I would advise yas to keep dialin’, Oxmyx.”
TOS:  A Piece of the Action.

Kirk:  “A child suppresses the fact that both parents are dead? I can’t believe it.”
Spock:  “Humans do have an amazing capacity for believing what they choose and excluding that which is painful.”
TOS:  And the Children Shall Lead.

Kirk:  “Well there it is, war. We didn’t want it, but we’ve got it.”
Spock:  “Curious how often you humans manage to obtain that which you do not want.”
TOS:  Errand of Mercy.

Spock:  “You may find that having is not so nearly pleasing a thing is wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true.”
TOS:  Amuck Time.

McCoy:  “Did it ever occur to you that he simply might like the girl?”
Spock:  “It occurred. I dismissed it.”
McCoy:  “You would.”
TOS:  The Conscience of the King.

Spock:  “Ladies and Gentlemen, please move away from the chamber or you may be injured.”
Ambassador Fox:  “What are you doing, Mr. Spock?”
Spock:  “Practicing a peculiar variety of diplomacy, Sir.”
TOS:  A Taste of Armageddon.

Spock:  “Gentlemen, There is one thing which requires the immediate attention of all of us. Specifically, our future.”
TOS:  Specter of the Gun.

Mudd:  “’’’ And do you know what the penalty for fraud is on Deneb Five?”
Spock:  “The guilty party has his choice. Death by electrocution, death by gas, death by phaser, death by hanging,”
Mudd:  “The key word in your entire peroration Mr. Spock is, death.”
TOS:  I, Mudd.

Spock:  [to an android] “Logic is a little tweeting bird chirping in a meadow. Logic is a wreath of flowers which smell bad. Are you sure your circuits are functioning correctly? Your ears are green.”
TOS:  I, Mudd.

Spock:  “… In a manner of speaking, Captain, we have given the people of Vol the apple, the knowledge of good and evil if you will, as a result of which they too have been driven out of paradise.”
TOS:  The Apple.

Spock:  “I have a responsibility to this ship. To that man on the bridge. I am what I am, Leila, and if there are self made purgatories, then we all have to live in them. Mine can be no worse than someone else’s.”
TOS:  This Side of Paradise.

Spock:  “I’ve never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question.”
TOS:  This Side of Paradise.

Kirk:  “Was that a threat?”
[mirror] Spock:  “I do not threaten, Captain. I merely state facts.”
TOS:  Mirror, Mirror.

[mirror] Spock:  “Terror must be maintained or the empire is doomed. It is the logic of history.”
TOS:  Mirror, Mirror.

Spock:  “Those who hate and fight must stop themselves, Doctor. Otherwise it is not stopped.”
TOS:  Day of the Dove.

Spock:  “All that matters to them … is their hate.”
Uhura:  “Do you suppose that’s all they ever had, Sir?”
Kirk:  “No, but that’s all they have left.”
TOS:  Let That Be Your Last Battlefield.

Movie Quotes

McCoy:  “Spock, this child is about to wipe out every living thing on Earth. Now what do you suggest we do, spank it?”
Spock:  “It knows only that it needs, Commander … But, like so many of us ... it does not know what.”
Star Trek I:  The Motion Picture.

Spock:  “If I may be so bold, it was a mistake for you to accept promotion. Commanding a starship is your first, best destiny. Anything else is a waste of material.”
Kirk:  “I would not presume to debate you.”
Spock:  “That is wise. Were I to invoke logic, however, logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.”
Kirk:  “Or the one.”
Spock:  “You are my superior officer. You are also my friend. I have been and always shall be yours.”
Star Trek II:  The Wrath of Khan

Spock:  “Jim, you proceed from a false assumption. I am a Vulcan. I have no ego to bruise.”
Star Trek II:  The Wrath of Khan.

Spock:  “The ship … out of danger?”
Kirk:  “Yes.”
Spock:  “Do not grieve, Admiral. The needs of the many, outweigh …”
Kirk:  “The needs of the few.”
Spock:  “Or the one. I never took the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution? … I have been and always shall be your friend. … Live long, and prosper.”
Star Trek II:  The Wrath of Khan.

Spock:  “Jim, your name … is Jim.”
Star Trek III:  The Search for Spock.

Spock:  “Excuse me, Admiral, but weren’t those a birthday gift from Doctor McCoy?”
Kirk:  “And they will be again. That’s the beauty of it.”
Star Trek IV:  The Voyage Home.

Spock:  “What does it mean, ‘exact change?’”
Star Trek IV:  The Voyage Home.

Kirk:  “If we play our cards right, we may be able to find out when those whales are being released.”
Spock:  “How will playing cards help?”
Star Trek IV:  The Voyage Home.

Gillian:  “Do you guys like Italian?”
Kirk:  “Yes.”
Spock:  “No.”
Kirk:  “Yes.”
Spock:  “No.”
Kirk:  “Yes. I love Italian, and so do you.”
Spock:  “Yes.”
Star Trek IV:  The Voyage Home.

Gillian:  “Sure you won’t change your mind?”
Spock:  “Is there something wrong with the one I have?”
Star Trek IV:  The Voyage Home.

Kirk:  “Where the hell’s the power you promised?”
Spock:  “One damned minute Admiral.”
Star Trek IV:  The Voyage Home.

Spock:  “I do not believe you realize the gravity of your situation.”
Kirk:  “On the contrary, gravity is foremost on my mind.”
Star Trek V:  The Final Frontier.

Spock:  “Perhaps ‘because it is there’ is not sufficient reason for climbing a mountain.”
Kirk:  “I am hardly in a position to disagree.”
Star Trek V:  The Final Frontier.

Kirk:  “I thought I was going to die.”
Spock:  “Not possible. You were never alone.”
Star Trek V:  The Final Frontier.

Valaris:  “Sir, I address you as a kindred intellect. Do you not realize that a turning point has been reached in the affairs of the Federation?”
Spock:  “History is replete with turning points, Lieutenant. You must have faith.”
Valaris:  “Faith?”
Spock:  “That the universe will unfold as it should.”
Valaris:  “But is that logical? Surely we must—“
Spock:  “Logic, logic, logic. Logic is the beginning of wisdom, Lieutenant, not the end.”
Star Trek VI:  The Undiscovered Country.

Spock:  “We must endeavor to piece together what happened here tonight. According to our data banks, this ship fired those torpedoes. If we did, the killers are here. If we did not, whoever altered the data banks is here. In either case, what we are searching for is here.”
Star Trek VI:  The Undiscovered Country.

Spock:  “You have to shoot. If you are logical, you have to shoot.”
Valaris:  “I do not want to.”
Spock:  “What you want is irrelevant, what you have chosen is at hand.”
Star Trek VI:  The Undiscovered Country.

Spock:  “Doctor, would you care to assist me in performing surgery on a torpedo?”
McCoy:  “Fascinating.”
Star Trek VI:  The Undiscovered Country.

Spock:  “Is it possible that we two, you and I, have grown so old and so inflexible as to have outlived our usefulness? Would that constitute a joke?”
Star Trek VI:  The Undiscovered Country.

Uhura:  “We’re to return to space dock. To be decommissioned.”
Spock:  “If I were human, I believe my response would be … go to hell. If, I were human.”
Star Trek VI:  The Undiscovered Country.

Spock:  “In your own way, you are as stubborn as another captain of the Enterprise I once knew.”
TNG:  Unification, Part II.

Spock:  “It is possible that I have brought my argument with Sarek to you, Captain. If so I apologize.”
Picard:  “Is it so important that you win one last argument with him?”
Spock:  “No it is not. But it is true I will miss the arguments. They were, finally, all that we had.”
TNG:  Unification, Part II.

Pardek:  “How could they know of this location? Someone has betrayed us!”
Spock:  “Yes, you did.”
Pardek:  “Spock! We’ve been friends for eighty years!”
Spock:  “It is the only logical conclusion. You asked me to come to Romulus, you arranged the meetings with the Proconsul, and you knew that Picard and Data had returned to the surface with new information.”
TNG:  Unification, part II.

Spock:  “I will not read this or any other statement.”
Sela:  “If you do not, you will die. All of you will die.”
Spock:  “Since it is logical to conclude that you will kill us in any event, I choose not to cooperate.”
TNG, Unification Part II.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Our Very Weighty Situation in America, Part II

Hello again. This is part 2 on American weight. Several people rightly pointed out that there needs to be some mention of food in this country and how its economics lend themselves to weight gain, and they’re right. This is that commentary. I felt the topic of our food and eating habits so important that it deserves its own commentary separate and distinct from weight itself. So we’re going to deal with three points:  fast food, the economics of healthier food choices, and finally, the processing of meat in America.

Fast food is an American icon. Go to Germany, Russia, China or Japan and you will find McDonalds’s. The content might be a bit different. For instance, a McDonald’s in Tokyo might sell sushi. A McDonald’s in Munich might sell you beer, and a McDonald’s in Abu Dabi will probably lean more towards chicken and fish, unless they happen to have halal beef on-hand. But the fast food concept, instant food delivered to you in your car, has exploded since the first McDonalds’s appeared over five decades ago. And who among us doesn’t like a Big Mac? Or a classic chicken sandwich? I prefer the double quarter pounder or the fish sandwiches myself. And there will be fights if we start talking about fries. Personally, McDonald’s fries are ok, but Rally Burgers in Memphis has the best fries anywhere. But this fast-food love affair! oh but what do we love? Let’s make a short, a very short list:  McDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s, Taco Bell, Hardies’, Arby’s, White Castle, chick Filet, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Poppy’s Chicken, Church’s Chicken, even subway, quizno’s and Jersey Mike’s, yeah that’s a long enough list. Not too short as it happened, and by no means exhaustive. As a side note, I add that I’m now hungry again, but let’s move on.
There is a dark side to the proliferation of fast food, fast weight gain. This food is, by and large, unhealthy. Let me qualify. Is it possible to get something healthy from McDonald’s? Sure it is. The chicken is better for you than the beef, and the fish, I think, better still. Or you can order a salad, a plain salad, and put low-fat dressing on it, not that anyone really does. And yes, subway’s food is generally healthier than any of the burger chains. Just about the unhealthiest sub from subway is better for you than that double quarter pounder I mentioned above. But still, if you get the philli-cheeze steak with extra meat, chipotle sauce and mayo every day, you will be hard pressed to argue that you’re eating healthier than your neighbor who comes back to the office or to the house every day with a big Mac. So, subpoint number one, it’s unhealthy. This isn’t a point anyone’s going to contend, I’m sure. By the way, speaking of semi-healthy … McDonald’s new oatmeal? Don’t. … Moving on. Second subpoint, it’s cheap. Don’t worry, I’ll have more to say about money in a moment. The fact that I can eat so good for five bucks is undoubtedly a motivator. That being said, McDonald’s is a lot more expensive than it used to be. Soon we’ll be drooling over the five dollar menu, not just the dollar menu. So, we’re getting fat on tasty food that’s horribly unhealthy, but man is it affordable! Ok, let’s talk about money.

Just how hard is it to buy healthier stuff from the grocery store? Well let’s see. First, you really have to know what you’re looking for. The food giants in this country have made it challenging to find healthy selections. You have to know what fructose is or what saturated fats are or what a serving size is or what net carbs are, and are not. In short, you have to be well-informed, more so than ought to probably be the case. However, if you are resolved to buy healthy, you’re going to have to read product labeling and know when a label is being less than upfront about fats, added sodium, preservatives, etc et al. So, Google it. This is the information age, get informed. Yes, I’m taking the food giants to task in this blog, but by no means am I absolving you, ore me, of our personal responsibility to inform ourselves as to what we’re buying.
Having said all that, there’s still a major problem looming. Once you know what you’re doing, there’s the matter of paying for it. Maybe, you say, “I’m on a fixed income or I’m a student with only so much for food each month, and I can get so much more for my dollar than I would if I bought healthy.” This, unfortunately, tends to be true. Let me give several examples that will highlight both the uninformedness of Americans, as well as the cynicism of the major foods distributers in the US. If someone knows a bit more on this topic, let me know where I’ve gone wrong. Still, I think my reasoning is sound.
Let’s consider beef and chicken. If you go to Kroeger’s or Jewel or Wal-Mart, the ground beef you’re likeliest to buy comes in the larger economy-sized or family packs. ‘Economy-sized’ and ‘family’ are two euphemistic terms that mean ‘freakin huge quantity’)! It’ll be priced at a lower dollar rate per pound. Also, it’s likely to have a fat ratio of 70/30, meaning that it’s 70% meat and 30% fat content. This is not good. I’m not sure if you can find 100% lean ground beef, but the healthiest I know of is 93/7, that is, 93% lean meat with a 7% fat content. This is some of the healthiest ground beef you can buy, and it has just enough fat in it to give it good flavoring. You can’t go wrong with it. Unfortunately, as you might guess, its price is normally sky high. I recently bought a pound of 93/7 lean ground beef and paid almost $6 for it. The econopack, containing 3 pounds of 75/25 ground beef (the normal pack remember) ran, by contrast, at a sale price of $5. Now if we run it strictly as a matter of costs, outlays versus products, the econopack wins every single time. More for less is what you get. What’s sacrificed, of course, are any considerations of the health value of the food for the consumers who buy the products. Incidentally, the alternatives to ground beef, including ground turkey, ground lam, and, though I am loathed to mention it, ground soy, are comparably as high as the 93/7 lean beef I talked about earlier. So, if you have a family and genuinely desire to have healthy ground beef in the house, you may pay upwards of 15 to 20 dollars for the equivalent amount of lean beef.
Now let’s talk chicken. Again, most families will opt for the larger packs of legs and thighs or gizzards and livers etc. I like livers myself. But anyway, the large family pack of chicken is bone-in chicken with the skin still on. Most people don’t know that you ought to skin the pieces before cooking them, or maybe it’s that they can’t be bothered to take the time to do so. That too. In any case, the healthiest chicken you can buy that I know of are the boneless, skinless chicken breasts. If you’re lucky, you’ll find boneless skinless filets in a large bag for about $10. If you’re very unlucky, you might find packs of chicken breasts, containing 2, maybe 3 breasts, for $6-$8. So you could, theoretically, find yourself spending $20 to $30 on chicken if you’ve got a couple of kids, you all like chicken, and you insist that your family eat it healthfully.
Those are just two examples of both the need to be a well-informed consumer, and too, the cynicism of food distributers in America. Why cynical? Well let’s see, what sort of attitude lies behind the mentality that says, “sell ‘em more of the unhealthier crap. Just cram it into a bigger package and slash the price. They’ll buy it.” Well of course they’ll buy it! When it’s that expensive to buy good, most folks won’t think they’ve got a damned choice! Very cynical. Or if not cynical, cold and calculating in the extreme. Tyson and American Beef or whoever don’t really care about your health. Never think they do. What they care about is the same thing all corporations, no matter their products, services or mission statements, care about, the bottom line, the dollar. Namely, your dollar and mine. That, my friends, is essentially why it’s harder to buy healthy ground beef. They could make all ground beef marketed in the USA be 85/15 or 90/10, provided the distributers and processors wanted it to be so. But they do not. Producing the less healthy meats for bulk distribution saves them money. Ergo, there’s no profit motive either in selling only healthy food or in retooling the meat processing procedures, such that the product is produced in a new way and is universally healthier. Am I wrong? I don’t know much about the meat processing in this country, but does what I said stand the test of reason? You tell me.

Now we come to the chemicals in food. Those of you who grew up on farms or have had a high level of access to fresh produce, homegrown vegetables or local, farm-raised meats are going to have a lot more to say about this, but let me say what I can. First, a story.
I spent Spring Break of 2009 in Germany. Now most Europeans shop differently from us. There, it’s customary to shop for just the day, or at most, the week. Milk, for instance, is sold more often by the quart. I think the largest container of milk I saw was two quarts, or one half gallon in our measurements. So, it’s not uncommon to run to the market three or four times a week, or even daily. Now the first time I walked into this food market in the Rheinland of northern Germany, the first thing that struck me was the smell. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but the place smelled differently. My German friends couldn’t explain it. The one person who’d been to America had not been in so many years, that she couldn’t figure out what I meant. Now, I think I know. Part of the smell was the cleaning solutions. They were different. But a huge part of the smell of the store had to do with the food. Quite simply, it was fresh. When you go into a large chain grocery store, see if you can’t detect a faint, metallic chemical smell in the air. This is what I mean. A lot of it is given off by the gallons of preservatives pumped into the massive quantities of foods put on the freezer shelves of our grocery stores. Europeans, generally, do not do this.
The preservatives in our meats, our dairy, and in our canned goods are there to, well, you guessed it, preserve. They extend the shelf-life of our foods for months, sometimes years. Let’s also mention hormones. Much of our beef and chicken is induced with hormones. Why? Because so many of us want meat! We have 309 million people here, and everybody loves lots and lots and lots of meat! The meat processing industry responds to this. Poultry and chattel are frequently injected with growth hormones. Hormones are put into their food, and so on so that the specimens grow faster and bulk up in muscle and fat which translates into more meat product per animal and, to forge the next link in the chain, more meat to sell to you and me, which results in higher profits for them, the distributers and processors. I’m not taking the stores too much to task, because by and large, your grocery store sells you what they’re told to sell at the prices they’re told to sell it. They’re almost, not quite, but almost, as powerless in the scheme of food production as you.
Well my friends, I have some bad news. Those hormones and preservatives and additives etc? They don’t go away just because you cooked the stuff. You bought the hormones when you bought the beef, cooked the hormones when you cooked the beef, and consumed and metabolized the hormones when you ate dinner. So the hormones get to affect not only your food, but you too.

So what can we do about it? Sadly, I don’t have an answer for you. I’m not going to go vegetarian out of protest, because I happen to like meat please and thank you. I’m also not going to go Socialist or Communist on you and insist on revolution. Russia has amply demonstrated the viability of that one. Nor, as a side note, am I convinced that total government regulation would solve the problem. I’m not gonna tell you to do anything, because until the USDA comes down on the processors and distributers of our meats, or until consumers organize on a mass scale, the likes of which we have never seen, nothing will change. Side note:  The National Corn Board, in response to the public outcry against corn fructose (more commonly known as corn syrup) has decided to do something to address the health concerns brought to its attention. After all, it’s gotten out that corn fructose is much much worse for you than cane sugar. So, to address your needs, they’ve decided to … I wish I was kidding, … change the name from corn fructose to corn sugar. Again, not joking. Now, is that, or is that not cynical? So now, hopefully, you’re a little better informed than you were before. And if you suffer from a limited income, as I do, you have my sympathies. That doesn’t give you, or me, license to just blithely buy what we like, citing higher prices as an excuse. We’re still obligated to make better choices. And if that means you buy a little less of something or due without something else so you can eat healthier, well, that may well be the price to be paid for avoiding being 400 plus pounds in America.